Rose: Intolerance

Intolerance has no place in our lifestyle.

Many injustices suffered by others at home and abroad have roots in intolerance. The same as prejudice, this posture is designed to single out individuals or groups for ridicule and segregation. It upsets me that people arbitrarily decide when others are living wrong religiously, morally, or politically.

Encouraging segregative attitudes isolates individuals from the community at large, and is detrimental for a social species like us. In my opinion, limiting our acceptance of differences restricts the richness of our lives and relationships, creating strife where there needn’t be. Psychologists blame a substantial amount of negative conduct on the denial of this natural urge; this includes obsessiveness and violence against groups perceived as "the enemy." Like the two young men who planned violence against a whole school in retribution for being outcasts…in Littleton, Colorado, or the citizens of Kosovo. But these are extreme examples.

Why would intelligent humans want to do that to each other?

Human nature is such that most of us have trouble with life’s shades of gray. I sometimes think this is why Gor-style BDSM is suddenly so popular. Classic Gor contains NO shades of gray. There is a clear set of rituals for all tasks, and specific rules for doing most things, including forms of address and punishment. I don’t endorse a Gorean Dominant’s belief of how slaves should be treated, yet I understand it helps some people feel more confident in their ability to control the actions of others; comforting when struggling with the complexities of life.

Of course the preceding opinion does not take into account the presence of a ‘natural’ Dominant, who gets a sexual charge out of controlling the body of another person during play - - but allows the submissive free choice in the aftermath.

See? It’s risky to make blanket judgments.

"…. people find "free choice" a confusing idea: "free choice" appears to refer to what the person being judged does, whereas it is actually what the person making the judgment thinks.

Thomas Szasz (b. 1920), U.S. psychiatrist. The Second Sin, "Freedom" (1973).

What disturbs me is that many within the S&M community attempt to live the same moralistic standards as their vanilla brethren, acknowledging only their own kink as acceptable and the rest deviant.

Why?

Society has been passing the buck for generations by trying to squash people they consider maladjusted through legislation, so we have to live with it. I assume this is why most of us project innocence outside this lifestyle; we can’t take the heat. It changes your life immeasurably if your particular kink comes into focus. We’ve witnessed children taken from parents, members jailed, and marriages broken up. Yet this doesn’t justify our protesting against alternate lifestyles within our own S&M community.

I am convinced that as a "fringe" society we have the power to quell discrimination by promoting open communication and compassion.

By example we can lead. When novices show interest in what we are doing there’s a tendency to either ignore their questions, or bad mouth the other players’ styles. I know we want them to feel as if we are the best of the batch, but it’s not fair to their growth in the community. We can teach safe play, fair play, and tolerance… allowing them to make their own choices.

I’m also convinced that judgementalism is typical of online D/s because cyber is mostly based on opinions; it taps directly into our thoughts. Those of us who are in chatrooms several hours a day have a tendency to "stew in the juices" of intellectualism. So much so that we begin to feel ourselves experts on the particular topic being promoted, novices or not. I’m guilty of that myself, or was… until the criticism was levied against me. I was hurt when several chat buddies informed me I was in the sites of the smoking gun too, the one in their hands.

It was suggested to me online that I should restrict my playing to private, then advice was offered. I couldn’t, and wouldn’t listen to that advice because I’m not happy playing primarily in private -- I am an exhibitionist. I am also an erotic masochist, a bondage fanatic, a slave, an object and a toy. This combination of interests puts me into the category of "confusing." Most can’t understand what I am, and what I seek, so they cover their own bewilderment with criticism instead of asking open questions.

You don’t need to do what I do, nor like what I do… just accept me as part of life, and life is a learning curve.

"Ultimately, America’s answer to [intolerance] is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom had inspired."

Robert Kennedy (1925–68), U.S. Attorney General, Democratic politician. The Pursuit of Justice, pt. 3 "Extremism, Left and Right" (1964).

These are my opinions, what do YOU think?