I’ve been interested in bondage for as long as I can remember -- certainly I remember playing imagine games at the age of 4 that had tying up and gags as a major feature! By my teens I’d been tied by girls and also tied a few more. There had been no ‘sexual’ thoughts during all these games but by the time I was 15 I’d come across House of Milan and realized there was even greater fun to be had in bondage games, with the right willing partner, than I’d ever dreamed of. I was a shy teenager and having this special ‘interest’ didn’t make things any easier. Fortunately my first serious girlfriend made things a little easier when she and two other girls decided they wanted to tie me up while we were all away on a field trip in Scotland. It was pretty straight forward to get a good two way conversation about bondage after that even though we didn’t have a very long relationship. I always made a point of ‘sounding out’ girl friends or potential girlfriends by telling them about my interest in drama and live action role play – i.e. Dungeons and Dragons live. It was useful to get their reaction when I asked them if they’d be able to lend a hand in any of the adventures and whether they’d be happy with playing the damsel-in-distress. I had quite a few successes this way and also saved myself a lot of grief with other girls.

Later on I met up with the lady who became wife 1. She sort of made all the right noises about the damsels in distress stuff and seemed to enjoy some of the bondage side of our life but it was an act that I only discovered, to my cost, four years and one child later. I think a tell tale sign should have been she was never happy to talk about b&d in our normal life – even when were watching tv or a movie and a happy sweet thing got herself all tied up. The other sign was that she never once washed out any of the games stuff – the scarves and nylons we used.

Divorce followed and I entered into a mad time of dating as many girls as I could. I followed my old practice of talking about the live role- play stuff, even though I’d given that up years ago, and also mentioning dressing for the ‘Rocky Horror Show’. This seemed to work quite well and as soon as anything started to look semi-serious I moved on to the ‘total honesty’ stage. I didn’t hit them with everything about b&d but sat them down quietly and said I had this fun interest that I thought they should know about before we got any further into the relationship. The approach seemed to work out well enough but one lady who I had an on and off relationship with for three years took it quite hard at the beginning. She did try her best to come to terms with it but she had a problem with sex in general not being quite OK (a very puritan upbringing) and eventually we decided to go our separate ways.

Fairly soon after I started casually seeing a girl from a drama group (serious) that I’d joined. She was separated and going through a divorce so we had quite a lot in common as well as a daughter each of around the same age. She had caught my attention a year or so previous in a Christmas pantomime when she wore some incredible thigh high boots. It turned out she was a nurse and we started to see more of each other, eventually building up to two or three phone calls a day plus evening meetings – fortunately her parents were great baby sitters!

I could see this was getting very serious very fast so I followed up the talk about Dungeons and Dragons and Rocky Horror with what she has come to tease me about as our ‘walk by the lake’. After a couple of drinks one evening we went for a walk around a local lake/reservoir and I went for broke. I know it’s not what you advise but I really felt there was something different about this girl. I told her that she should to know that I had certain interests that were important to me. She said “OK tell me”. I said that I enjoyed tying up love games and also being tied up and that these games were something I couldn’t really get by without. I also said that I enjoyed latex occasionally and dressing up. She said “Oh, is that all. SO do I!” I was totally overwhelmed – this was really amazing. I didn’t realize how amazing. We progressed from then through gentle games tying each other up and exploring what we liked. We got hold of a great fetish questionnaire from the net that we both completed secretly and then revealed together – that was scary but worked great. Even I didn’t know what some of the stuff was but we’ve had great fun finding out about some of our inner desires. She had a great birthday celebration that first year that she has never forgot and made the perfect latex bondage maid for 6 hours and loved every minute of it.

The following year we were married and we’ve been together for three years now. She is absolutely wonderful and we have an excellent love life. We switch and enjoy chatting or making allusion to b&d in our real life too. It’s a regular thing for her to say some woman on TV annoys her and how she’d love to get them bound and gagged and under her whip! I couldn’t be happier, we don’t have any secrets from each other and I even came clean about my desire to be forcibly feminized sometimes when sub. I suppose I can sum it all up by saying find the girl who loves you and don’t be afraid to talk and listen lots before moving on to physical stuff.

Rupert & Anna
- Sunday, October 10, 1999

It was soon after that when I confided to her about my interest in the concept of bondage. I went very slowly and the first scene we played was one where I spread-eagled her to a bed and essentially played the entire thing on the fact that she could be pleasured and not have to do a thing. (I have found that this is a concept that women don't really have much of a problem with.)

I gradually upped the play and severity of the bondages we played with and eventually introduced gags. She is very conservative sexually and as such the process was painfully slow, but to get what you want sexually I have found that you must always be willing to work what you want and what your partner wants together. The only complaint that I have is that my partner is not very good at communicating what she wants and has a tendency to not like to talk about scenes beforehand which is not a very sound practice. I am almost positive that her parents have not only tried to teach her that pre-marital sex is wrong, but that all sex is evil or something like that. When I ask her about her fantasies all she can tell me is that she doesn't really have sexual fantasies. I would love to hear some advice on what I can do to help her to try to explore her sexuality more.

So, while I must admit to a certain amount of disappointment in finding that she was not going to be an active, enthusiastic partner in our bed, she is willing to join in as best she can because I enjoy it, and because we are still very much in love with each other and the greatest of friends. The worst thing is that all the imaginative input comes from me. I could ask for more, but I think I am very lucky as it stands. I do have the odd hankering for an absolute tear-down-the-walls passionate love affair, but if my wife is willing to go so far towards meeting my needs the least I can do is not make her unhappy, and I think that having an affair probably would.

One gal who I pickup had sex the first night and convinced me to tie her up(!!!!) She was very free-spirited and independent. I bound and gagged her very severly but she always struggled to get loose.

One gal I went out with was very adventurous. We even videotaped our adventures. She would dress up as a hooker and I would videotape my picking her up and making her pose in her black leather mini on the stairs. I later used a spreader bar to great effect and tried some clothespins on her tits.

I have yet to use a ballgag, my fave, on any lover, but there's always tomorrow. My fave is to bind and gag my lover, fully clothed, and pop in a Harmony/Close-Up video and make her watch it while I strip her.  I find using degrading language to be useful. I gave one frigid gal her first multi-orgasm where she screamed thru the cloth gag. I have fantasies where I have 2 girls. one I bind and gag in a chair, while I have sex with the other and we make the bindee watch.

I have found that the best way to approach the subject is as follows:

One night, during sex, assume the missionary position. At some point, grab her wrists and hold them down. Then, pick up the pace. This is a simple and generally non-threatening bondage. Keep your eyes open, and watch her reaction. If she enjoys it, you are on your way. If she does not, she probably will not like being tied up (or you are fat, heavy, and hurting her arms). Like all sexual things, talk about it with her.

Next step, I like to introduce neckties (her scarves may work if you are at her house, but I find them too short). I think the best time to do it is when she tries in some way to take control. For instance, I find it very irritating in traditional sex when a woman will grab my head while I am performing oral sex on her. She is demanding penetration (why do they all do this?). I want a woman to come once before I enter her, so that I will get an orgasm during coitus. If she has enjoyed being held down by the wrists before, I will tell her now that "Hey, I am in charge here, don't tell me what to do, I think I need to help you keep your hands to yourself." I then break out an old silk necktie and tie her hands, and, if she submits, we are on the way. I try to couch it in terms like, I am helping her to not try and be in charge, to just relax and enjoy the sexual experience. If pushed to explain, I find it best to explain that one of the problems with sex is that we are both trying so hard to please the other that we forget about letting ourselves enjoy the experience. "I am not really tying you up, I am helping you remember that you can keep your hands to yourself and enjoy the experience."

Other ways to learn her interest is to watch the movie 9 1/2 Weeks together. You may find that blindfolding first, before bondage, is the way to go. Again, the old neckties are silk, soft, and non-threatening (compared to the leather hidden in the closet). The first necktie should just be hands, graduating then to the upper corners of the bed. From there, move on to some of the velcro-type wrist, ankle and thigh restraints before using real rope with other fun props.  I find it very fun to shock these beautiful tied up women by shaving them during our first spread-eagle.

Remember to set and respect safe words. You should expect a newbie to use the safe word one time early on just to make sure it really works. Let her. Remember that this is mutual fun, not rape. I have used these methods successfully with several women who I introduced to bondage. As far as I know, they still enjoy it.

But the one night we fell asleep together on the bed (it was late, she was hanging out in the typical college room- - nowhere to sit but the bed -- and I was studying at my desk) the next morning she started sucking on my fingers. We'd never kissed before but did just a few minutes later. So, she's kind of a misfit, strange parents, only child, quiet except when she's angry and doesn't deal with people very well.

But the following night we fool around and she ends up naked. So much for slow. So you might glimpse the personality type. Smart, sexy, misguided socially, not submissive so much as just liking sexual things. So we'd fool around and every now and again I'd cover her mouth with her hair, or pin her down.

One night she says, "You like to pin me down. Would you ever consider tying me up?"

So the next night she tells me to come over to her room, her roommate's out, etc. I stop by and she says "I'm not ready yet." I tell her I'll be back later. Half an hour of video games in the lobby and I come back. She asks what took me so long but she's wearing thigh-high boots, leather miniskirt, black silk shirt, etc. She asks me if I've ever had anyone dress up for me. Not.

To make a long story short, shorter anyway, she's wearing a chain link belt and has another under her boot around her ankle. Eventually, she ends up tied to the bed and I look for something to gag her with. She says there's a cloth in her top drawer, and I gag her and the night goes on.

Two years of bondage and sex (came much later, we were both virgins), her being tied to rafters, around posts, spread-eagled, mummified (not as much fun as one might think), saran-wrap over her mouth and nose (lightly so she can still breathe but she still gasps it in and out... she loved it but you can't do it for more than a dozen seconds).

One time I buried her on the beach and rather than shouting in distress, she merely moaned in pleasure as the sand covered everything but her nose and eyes. (Digging a hole to her clitoris would have been a good idea if it wasn't a public beach).

Anyway, sex can't sustain a relationship forever and we were different and I was leaving college, etc. But it was excellent while it lasted.

My current girlfriend isn't into it at all but we have other parts of the relationship holding us together.

Through my college years I would date someone very exciting and wild, then next I'd be attracted to someone more calming and stable, and back and forth like that.

So at the time, I was with a guy named "Rat," a wild guy. He lived from place to place and stayed up all hours and rarely had a job. For all his wildness though, he seemed to want something stable to balance that, so I guess I was his stability. Our relationship was rocky; one day we would be happy and snuggling and having great sex, the next day we would be fighting and yelling and I would be crying. He didn't like me to have friends or go anywhere without him; he was a jealous person. He knew I was into bondage because I'd been tying up friends and taking pictures. He told me he could "cure" me and make me into a sexually "normal" woman. He coached me on what my fantasies should be like. At the time I wanted to please him and wanted the relationship to work so I tried to do what he said (but fantasizing about only him and regular sex... BORING!).

Later I gave up on trying to be "normal" and I went out and bought some new bondage magazines. He found them under my bed when I wasn't home. He had a fit and he took a marker and wrote swear words on the pages of the magazines and put balloon-words next to the models' faces saying things like "only sluts do this." Then we had a big argument and instead of giving in, I said there was nothing wrong with my fantasies or with bondage.

Of course eventually we broke up, but not just over that; it was more the whole jealousy thing and me not being allowed to have a social life. Looking back, I should've just realized it wouldn't work out; I should've left him sooner!

My next partner, Chaz, was really nice and agreed to tie me up a lot.

We have since broken up but I wonder if she likes it all.

For my birthday, she gave me an awesome present, she let me tie her up for a whole day.

I began to believe that she eventually enjoyed it more than me. She would often initiate the play, asking to be bound and gagged. I was lucky that I met an open minded, intelligent, and beautiful woman. I am trying to win her back right now.

An important think to note is that the real thing can never be as good as your fantasies. For example, she couldn't make her elbows touch behind her back. Moreover, it is hard work being a top. Intricate bondage takes a lot of time and once you get her tied up she begins to get uncomfortable and you have to untie her right away. But we still had loads of fun together.

It wasn't until age 20 that I was able to tie up another female. She was 18 and we had been dating for several months. We went to the movies to see Bull Durham. There are 2 scenes of bondage in the movie. The second one is really erotic. When we got home, we were fooling around and the scene came up. She was reluctant at first. As she got "warmed up", the idea became more acceptable to her. We got some robe belts and I tied her hands to the bed posts.

We were together for nearly 3 years. I wanted to tie her up all the time. She didn't like it as well.

5 months after we split I began dating for current wife. We had normal sex for about a month. A friend gave me the videotape Bull Durham for Christmas. We watched it and you know what happened next. It was deja vu! We really got into the scene. We went out and bought a new brass bed. We bought leather cuffs, spreader bars, gags, whips, clamps, chain and lots of rope! My wife lets me tie her up almost every day.

Lately, she has tried the Dominant role. We do this about once a week. I have found that I like being bound myself. Since I am nearly twice her size, she can really go all out on me. I like being tied with my hands over head for a whipping. I like being tied to a chair and being teased. She will rub her nude body all over me, place her nipple near my mouth and then slap my face or pinch a nipple. When I am tied to the bed, I have incredible orgasms.

She likes being tied in the shower while I wash her. She also likes to be suspended (for a short period) and whipped. She likes her hair pulled and her nipples played with roughly.

Now that we have kids, it is harder to play during the daytime. Occasionally, we will both sneak home during school hours to play.

Adam

A comment by Lorelei: Some people have died playing asphyxiation games, so I just wanted to put in my two cents and say that I don't condone this style of play.

I knew something was up when she started wearing my stinky, bloody roadracing leathers and then crawling into my mummy bag. She liked the feel of the leather and restraint of the bag. I couldn't be creative enough for her and she soon left my life.

No. 2 was a bit more of a challenge to confess to. We had done some very minor stuff, tying arms and wrists to the bedpost, and she seemed to like this. Shortly thereafter, I was badly injured in a racing accident which effectively ended my hobby. I was in a huge bodycast for months, and couldn't move much of anything. The seriousness of the injuries put a strain on the relationship, but Lynne took real good care of me, both in the hospital and at home. I tried to turn my predicament to advantage and work in a bondage angle to sex, and at first she thought this was great. Eventually, my recovery was completed and I suggested expanding our experiences, even suggesting casting her. Unfortunately, this never came about -- our bondage play dropped off quickly after that and the relationship dissolved shortly thereafter.

Roxanne
I was reading how guys tried to tell their girls they were interested in bondage. But there were no female perspectives, so here is mine:
I always thought I might be interested in bondage, but I was raised catholic, and good catholics aren't supposed to think those things. It's always been in the back of my head, though.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend of a year was looking at a magazine article about a guy who makes sex furniture. There was a web address, so I snuck off to check it out (www.sexfurniture.com). Well, the site was ok, but the links brought me to your page. I started getting really turned on looking at all the pictures. The next thing my boyfriend knew, I was all over him. This was slightly out of character, so he knew something was up. When I fessed up to what I was doing, we ran to the bedroom. Our first bondage session was rather tame, but fabulous. He used robe belts to tie my hands to the bed posts, and his belt to tie my feet around him. What used to be a sort of ho-hum(but good!) sex life is now out of control. My 'coming out' has been so liberating. I would suggest to the guys to show any woman who may seem interested to check out this site. It's sensual without being too graphic - perfect for women. I thank you, and my boyfriend thanks you!

Bobby the Bear
CHRISTMAS - A GREAT DAY TO BREAK THE ICE! That's what happened several Christmases ago in our home.
I had been married for several years, and was too timid to tell my wife how much I'd like to tie her up, and also to be tied up by her. On Christmas Day several years ago after opening presents, my wife took a discarded ribbon that was on the floor (from a present that had been wrapped in it), and said something to me like:
"I'm going to wrap you up as a present!"
She tied my wrists together with my hands in front of me. OK... granted... I could have gotten loose by untying the knot with my teeth... but what a thrill and what a surprise to have her laughing and tying me up! And all this time... I thought it was just me afraid to tell her!
When she let me loose, I naturally tied her up "as a Christmas present" next... only I tied her hands behind her back in a manner where she could not possibly get loose on her own.  We've been having fun ever since!
So... you may want to rush out and get one last Christmas present... even if it is late... and wrap it with lots of ribbon. I think a soft approach like this is a great way to break the ice with your mate without coming on like a sex maniac and potentially scaring your mate.