Lorelei's Diary

This morning we went to Rax and ate. I had dressed very carefully and announced to Chaz that he was going to tie me to a tree -- something I've always wanted to experience. I wore my white lace waist cinch/garter belt, tan nylons, my pink lace bra, white shoes, and the orange dress I've saved for only one occasion: tearing off of me. (The dress is so unattractive I almost tossed it out, but then I realized how useful it would be for a one-time shot.) (Footnote – this tattered dress appeared in a tree-tie scene with Lorraine Vanowen in video L-1.)

After we finished eating, we went to the apartment and got together a box of bondage goodies. Then we drove over to the nowhere road by the post office. We parked on the little dirt road and Chaz photographed me waiting at the car in my dress, wearing dark sunglasses, holding a suitcase as though for a clandestine pickup.

Then I was tied around the ankles, chest, and wrists, and he took photos of me helpless in the car. I think we got some very good very dramatic photos. It was in black and white, since that's all the film I have left. It's just as well, since that orange dress is a fairly hideous color. Actually the print pattern isn't much better!

Well to continue our Briefcase Lady story, we tromped out to the trees where I'd spreadeagled Jace last week (good pics incidentally). We selected a tree and Chaz used most of my cotton rope to tie me to it. I was really enjoying myself. He took a few photos and then prepared to gag me.

I'd figured out that I'd be gagged with a scarf which I wore as a belt. This worked out good because I didn't want the real belt on me; it would have been in the way when he ripped open the dress.

We were going over what Chaz was supposed to do when he finished gagging me. The itinerary was: Gag me & take four (or so) pictures. Rip open my shirt to the waist and take 4 more pictures. Tuck my skirt up and open and take 4 more pictures. Remove my bra (harden my nipples if necessary) and take 4 more pictures. Pull my lacy pink underwear down to my knees and take 4 more pictures.

We were finalizing this when I said I needed my left hand loosened. Chaz untied the knot and retied it looser, then I tugged the triple-wrap until it distributed evenly. My wrist felt better but my stomach was feeling very strange... tight... sick.

I figured, well, we can do the photos and then get me free.

But then my head began to feel strange and I felt hotness and dizziness foaming up through my body and stuffing my head. "I feel odd, Chaz, untie me--" I said, regretting that we'd just finished doing such a lovely tie job and now I wasn't feeling well. But as he began untying me I realized I was passing out. "Cut me loose--" I hated to say it because I knew he would be frightened, knowing it was urgent if I wanted my entire cotton rope collection cut to bits. He grabbed the big scissors and I asked him to cut all the ropes directly under my breasts across the rib cage. He snipped it all away (it seemed like forever but it was very fast) and I felt like whatever had attacked was receding, but I knew I needed a bit more. "Cut the upper chest ropes," I mumbled and he started snipping. My vision was considerably darkened and I was still whirling in a hot stuffy daze; I lay my forehead on his shoulder and he jumped. "Oh my god, I can feel you burning right through the shirt," he said, cutting madly. Once the chest ropes were away I breathed in, and realized the difference in oxygen immediately (why hadn't I noticed its absence?) -- the air rushed in so cool it felt like liquid, like I was breathing icy water. It felt fantastic, very pleasurable, and I basked in it while Chaz freed my hands. After he got my knees free I simply leaned forward and then lay on the ground. Chaz sat over me and looked at me.

"I'm all right now," I said.

"Do you want me to untie the ankles?," he asked -- I was still bound to the tree.

"No, I like it."

He sat with me and held me.

The emotional post-bondage high that I often get, combined with the physical oxygen high I was having, made me feel very happy. I felt hyper-sensitive to my surroundings and I listened attentively to the chirruping of nearby birds. I mentioned them to Chaz and I languished as slight breezes blew on me.

[Note: This was my first strong endorphin rush, but at the time I'd never heard of endorphins and didn't know they were in play.]

I felt totally pleased with Chaz and there was a strong pleasure in simply having him holding me. I felt safe and satisfied with him.

I was glad he hadn't gotten angry with me; poor Chaz is always leery of my bondage desires, he worries of hurting me, he worries when I always say "tighter," and this time I'd had him tie me too tight. He probably should have lectured me but he didn't. I felt pretty ashamed of myself anyway. I don't know why I enjoy bondage even to the point that it can have an adverse effect! I have to be more careful.

After I got all my wind back, we decided that was enough bondage for the day! But I wanted to use up the film, so Chaz took pictures of me stripping myself down in front of the tree (which had cut ropes dangling all over it).

We got back to the apartment and Jace asked, "how did it go?" I was too embarrassed!!

Chaz said "we had a near-accident. She nearly passed out and I had to cut her loose."

"That used to be called the vapors;" Jace pointed out. I recognized the term but Chaz didn't. "The vapors were the dizziness or fainting that happened to Victorian women because their corsets made it difficult to breathe if it was hot out, or if they did strenuous activity," Jace explained.

It occurs to me that I need to get a corset soon; with controlled, properly distributed pressure from a corset, perhaps I wouldn't want the ropes wrapped around my waist so much. And a corset would not be so hard to apply correctly; ropes are such variables!

After that, Chaz and I went to a wig store. Lee has offered to let me meet Judith Wilson and even do a movie with her if I wanted. I'd love to do photos with her -- wow! Lee pointed out that I could wear a wig and make-up and then I'd get to make money from the shoot. He said that I'd be amazed how different I can look. I see his point, since Severin saw pictures of me in the Kiéa wig and didn't know it was me. I look incredibly different in a wig. So I've been thinking about Lee's offer.

We didn't find a wig that we really liked on me. I did kind of like one wig which was a big gnarly mess; it was brown and blonde and I looked like a lion. It was so wild, it appealed to me. But I don't think it would be right for a shoot.

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